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It's strangely funny how most of everyone wants to be tall, thin, tan, toned, physically strong, mature, and stylistically unique but still wanting to blend in...while I wish to be short, fat, pale as death, soft, just barely strong enough to carry on with my life, entirely ageless, and as cute and feminine as possible while at the same time being very dark, ethereal, and utterly unique. My priorities and ideals of beauty are also different than most of everyone...especially considering I want nothing more in all existence than to be a real, happy girl...along with to be with another girl to shower with all the love and affection in the universe. Working towards anything else feels like a complete waste of time. ;_;
I am quitting lolita for the time being. It's too overwhelming to bother getting dressed in lolita when it takes so much work to look just right and it doesn't make me feel that much better anymore. Under such feminine fashion I still hate the way my body looks underneath it. My shoulders and height are never going away, at least not without a severely traumatic accident of some sort. I can't get anything washed in my house since the water softener is broken and my mom can't afford to fix it...and our water is very hard with significant amounts of iron which would ruin anything I washed. Also, the best looking lolita is made for dainty Japanese girls and I no longer want to remain very thin just to fit into a fashion. I abhor the shape of my skeleton...and i've always wanted curves!! Sewing my own lolita just isn't feasible quite yet. I will return someday, and i'm not selling anything except for the couple of items that never fit in the first place.

I will just aim for a very done-up babydoll goth style with some overt Victorian influences. It would be much more practical than lolita and I could wear it all the time and not worry about anything getting ruined since everything will be mostly black and nowhere near as expensive. I feel like it would be much easier to experiment with and truly make my own, and would give me more stylistic freedom to find what I look and feel best in. I am also planning on getting measured soon and getting a corset custom made that I can start waist training in. ^^

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( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
indigo_tide
Nov. 1st, 2011 01:29 am (UTC)
I'm thinking long drapey black bustle skirts with ribbons to tie it up at the knees? Love it. :) And experimentation is good. A lot of people end up feeling too "restricted" by the bounds of lolita. Myself included. And I have also been too exhausted by it.

Not to get campy -

Nothing lasts forever. Try to enjoy what you got, there may be a day you will wish you had focused on what you have instead of what you haven't. You will have a lot more fun with fashion if you make peace with it and work with what you do have. Which is a waist size most people never see!

Beauty comes in all different packages. The most inspiring are ones that do whatever the fuck because they want to. Confidence always looks good.

These are two people that have inspired me with their daring and badassery.
boykitten - http://boykitten.co.uk/Boykitten.co.uk/Photographs/Photographs.html
montreal roller girls' announcer - http://www.facebook.com/plastikpatrik)
There's plenty more examples around. Marilyn Manson and Eddie Izzard. La Roux' singer too.
wear_your_rue
Nov. 1st, 2011 01:55 am (UTC)
That sounds a lot more practical than trying to do lolita on a daily basis. I don't think I could afford that or pull it off either. Your idea sounds like it would be easier to maintain and more flattering to your body type.
jrock_kodama
Nov. 1st, 2011 02:42 am (UTC)
This is the thing- if you're not of a delicate Japanese build, it just isn't going to happen when you're trying to fit into their clothing. I'm only 5'3, but my build (bone structure and padding) will never be like a Japanese girl's. I'm Icelandic. Very Icelandic.

Each different ethnic background has a different structure. Even trying to be emaciated enough to unhealthily wedge into their clothing, there's also the issue of it not being so flattering because it will still drape wrong. Adapting, and doing work-arounds is necessary.

There's nothing wrong with your bone structure, it's uniquely "you"- you just have to stop attempting to force it to be Japanese, is all. There's still a lot of options available. You'll feel a lot better- healthier, and more attractive when you do.
kituvan_kiitos
Nov. 2nd, 2011 02:27 pm (UTC)
There's plenty of people that don't have the small Japanese build that look great in lolita.
os
Jan. 11th, 2012 02:16 pm (UTC)
"while I wish to be short, fat, pale as death, soft, just barely strong enough to carry on with my life, entirely ageless, and as cute and feminine as possible while at the same time being very dark, ethereal, and utterly unique.... I want nothing more in all existence than to be a real, happy girl..... Working towards anything else feels like a complete waste of time." <3

"I abhor the shape of my skeleton...and i've always wanted curves!!" me too, hon... me too.

"I will just aim for a very done-up babydoll goth style with some overt Victorian influences." sounds plenty cute to me ^_^
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )