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Feb. 18th, 2012

I haven't posted in a while...because I typically use LJ for interacting with the lolita community, but I have been incredibly preoccupied lately x_x

Had a great birthday thanks to my friend Andrea, and had an ok time at Ohayocon 2012 until I got too lonely in the crowd and left early Saturday night. I got laid off from my job without any notice on February 3rd, exactly a day and a year after my father's death. I haven't really left my bed much since then...I don't like being thrown away. I ended up going to the ER last Saturday due to intentionally overdosing on cough syrup (which I rather not get into.)
My bodily dysphoria is the worst it's been since i've started transition, so right now all I can think about is how quickly I can save up $25,000 for an important procedure...also trying not to think of all the ridiculous breaches of civil and reproductive rights that my country's government is trying to perpetrate...

I have a tumblr now at least - http://ohdollydear.tumblr.com/

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
midnightxsilver
Feb. 18th, 2012 10:33 pm (UTC)
I want you to know I'm here for you if you ever need to vent or just chat. One of my good friends, who I'm rather protective of, is transitioning right now and I know it causes a lot of emotional hell.
Dysphoria does awful things to the mind and our perceptions of ourselves, I've had to deal with it for a long time (just so you know I'm not talking out my arse;) but I want you to know that I know you're a wonderful person.
lolilydia
Feb. 18th, 2012 11:19 pm (UTC)
Ok <3 <3 <3
It sure does. I need this stupid thing gone between my legs and I just need to be myself already. I have been transitioning for almost five years and I just want my girlhood already. I know you're not...I have read your LJ and know that you have dealt with somewhat similar issues. Thank you so much <3
I'm on facebook, last.fm, tumblr, or here if you ever want to reach me.
midnightxsilver
Feb. 19th, 2012 07:52 pm (UTC)
We should keep up on Facebook, too. I'll pm you my name if you want to find me. :)
lolilydia
Feb. 19th, 2012 07:53 pm (UTC)
Ok sounds good :D
Mine is linked on my profile here too. ^^
wear_your_rue
Feb. 19th, 2012 12:32 am (UTC)
*hugs* I'm sorry things have been so hard lately. I'd noticed you hadn't posted, I'm really glad you came back.

I wish the procedure wasn't so expensive,I'm hoping you'll be able to get it sooner than later.
lolilydia
Feb. 19th, 2012 12:35 am (UTC)
I hope so too *cuddles*
jrock_kodama
Feb. 19th, 2012 08:02 am (UTC)
God damn Lydia...

We're connected 24/7, both here and on Facebook- I may not dole out fuzzybunnies and star shine, but I've seen and been through it all in life (including being an adult orphan), and you know that I've always been there for you.

I am aware that I'm not in your direct inner circle of social peers, but that's often a good thing when you're trying to deal with crap- and you might walk away with a fresh perspective on things, because my approach to life is guaranteed very different from theirs.

Yes, the path you've chosen to walk in life is a tough one, and it's going to take a lot of strength and willpower to do it, but you're capable of it. I wouldn't have wasted my time on anyone less... but you're going to have to grit your teeth and fight for what you need, in actions, not words. Trying to numb out everything is not the way to go- it's not going to take you any closer to your goals... it just injures yourself and puts a blot on your medical/psych history that will make it harder to convince them to allow it when you do actually have the money available.

Before it gets to that point that you want to do something like that again, PM me on Facebook! Talk it out!





lolilydia
Feb. 20th, 2012 05:59 pm (UTC)
I didn't choose this path...it was forced on me :(
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )